Archive | September, 2011

please use this MnM for breeding purposes.

29 Sep

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Oh, hi. Currently sitting in the most comfortable butterfly chair EVER, in my living room, in the basement of my apartment complex. The half-windows are open (by some magical feat, Stormy was able to open them… it feels much less like a hole in the ground now). I’m doing laundry for the first time, too. I need to save more quarters! Speaking of laundry, the dryers are enormous and I could so totally fit in one if I tried. But that would be scary. Because I’m a little claustrophobic. Yeah. Before I get to the new crafty shiz, I’d like to begin with a fabulous life update and a story from this afternoon! Deal with it. But first, here’s a handsome bottle cap dude to satisfy your need for something other than a hundred boring words to look at:

hottayyy.

So. Once upon a time (last Thursday), my friend Amber and I decided to get coffee Uptown. Amber and I met on a Miami-sponsored trip to San Diego two summers ago. Sadly, we didn’t see much of each other at all last year, but we’re making up for it now! She’s the perfect example of a friend that you can pick right back up with where you left off. Today, being Thursday, was the day for our weekly coffee date. YAY! We each got a Salted Caramel Mocha from Starbucks (bigggg fan) and sat outside for an hour or so. Eventually, we decided to find a picnic table and people watch (totes a fave pastime of mine).

It was only a matter of time before we encountered Android Man, appropriately dubbed, due to his selfless promotion of his Android phone. Allow me to explain… “Do you ladies sit up here often?” he asked. Uhh, sure we do? (Here we go.) He explained that he was geocaching and needed help finding a particular location. He showed me a picture of a certain street corner in Uptown Park. It happened to be the corner we were sitting on. What exactly is geocaching, you ask? Well. Android Man wasn’t very helpful in answering that question. Neither is this official website. Apparently, Android Man was looking for a film canister or a pill bottle with “paper in it.” Amber and I were both curious as to what exactly was so important about this piece of paper. Android Man further explained that anybody can participate, as long as they have an Android phone. And Google Maps. (And absolutely nothing better to do with their time – perfect for me, right?! Ha, unless the capsules contain cash moneyz, I think I’ll pass.) After our brief conversation, Android Man began scouring the area for the precious capsule. He looked just about everywhere for ten minutes or so. He hollered back at us that you’re supposed to do this in pairs, but that his partner basically stood him up. SAD DAY. Weird, weird dude. A little later, Amber and I went our separate ways and I discovered my very first parking ticket! YES! I was 2 minutes too late. Oh well. It was truly only a matter of time, considering I spend so much time Uptown these days. 10 bucks… meh. I think it’s kinda funny.

Okay. Now to the craft update. Last weekend, my friend Tammy bought a pack of five small canvases for hella cheap and asked me to paint her a quote. YES. AWESOME. LET’S DO IT. With the extra canvases, I experimented with “mixed media” -esque techniques. Basically, I dug through my paint and used a little bit of everything. Sequins also came into play. Sparklyyy.

I’mma start with my favorite. This one is for my sister, Molly Mollz.

sketching it out.

coloring in the lines.

the perfect combination for sparkly goodness.

painted over marker.

outlined in black acrylic.

filled in with white acrylic + glittery glaze.

The finished product is much shinier than it’s possible for me to capture in a picture. I SUCK AT PHOTOGRAPHY. Oh well. Here are the others:

sequinssss + puffy paint = flashback to 4th grade.

went a little crazy with nearly every craft supply I own on this one.

I have mixed feelings about this one.

second favorite.

ya dig?

derp.

the gang. chillin on the futon.

These will be listed on my Etsy shop whenever I get around to it. Probably tonight. Yeah. One more thing. If you’re craving chocolate and you’re extremely bored, partake in an M&M’s DUEL. See rules here. HA. Loves it. (Thanks for sharing, Amber! Too perfect.)

Peace. Love. Cats… erm… Crafts.

- Lizzzzz

dreamydreamz.

28 Sep

I haven’t posted about my dreams in a very long time, primarily because they tend to run a little long and unless you’re me, you wouldn’t find them significant and/or entertaining in any way. As I mentioned initially in this post , I like to summarize my dreams (if it is possible) in a single run-on sentence. You’re about to get two dream summaries – quite the treat.

Two nights ago I dreamed that I was hiding a group of vampires from Abe Lincoln-esque vampire hunters in a small house and when the knock on the door came I smooth-talked the shit out of the hunters until they left and as I closed the door all the vamps in my living room began to praise me and returned to KNITTING, as they were members of “The Vampire Knitting Association” which may or may not have been a subconscious reference to The Residence Hall Association.

Last night I dreamed that I woke up from a dream within a dream (holy moo cow, INCEPTION) and realized that my new tattoo had almost completely disappeared and stretched out so instead of being three lines of tiny font it had become two lines of large font which is probably my subconscious realizing that when I’m 70 years old, depending on how stretched out the inside of your ankle gets, I could very well have a much different looking tattoo than I do at present.

You so wish you were me. Anyway. I’ve started a new painting project and will be posting pictures and new listings on Etsy either tomorrow or Friday. STAY TUNED. I also mentioned something about a super nifty tutorial in my last post. Assuming I get to Kroger today to pick up the necessary materials, and also assuming that I am capable of taking quality pictures of said project, I will blog about that on whatever day I don’t blog about the paintings. Hokay? Hokay.

In the meantime, check out three incredibly amazing youtube vidz that I’ve recently become obsessed with!

1. These are two of my former residents at Miami making shadow puppets and extremely awkward sounds and/or voices. I adore this video. I adore these people. Enjoy. Shadow Puppets

2. You probably thought this deer was alive. And this cayote was alive. And this pheasant was alive. NOPE. It’s just Chuck Testa.

3. This is one of the creepiest videos I’ve ever been forced to watch. I strangely enjoy it. HOWEVER. I stopped watching after the song because it got a little too weird for me (if you get that far, it’s The Funk, and it’s disgusting). You’ve been warned. It’s attached to ya rod, motha licka! Old Greg

leaf it to jesus.

26 Sep

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Hey y’all. How’s life? Hopefully spiffy. I’ve had quite the eventful weekend and have lots to share. Read on if you’re cool with falling asleep immediately after. :)

My sister (Molly) goes to Morehead State University in Kentucky. Last week she bribed me into driving down, picking her up, and taking her home (to Mason). I was all for the idea, as long as my gas was paid for and she agreed to stay Friday night with me in Oxford. The drive to Morehead, KY is by no means an easy drive. There are lots of winding country roads, rolling pastures, cows, and barns adorned with large painted quilt squares (I like to think they’re the mark of an Amish cult). I borrowed a nifty GPS to get me there and back, so there was less of a chance of me getting lost, having to pull over, and then being abducted by people resembling characters from Deliverance. Thanks, Helen, even though you sound nothing like a Helen. (I have a great idea, Kaan! Name her Karen – she’ll be your female alter ego.) Anyway. Helen and I left on Friday morning. Hopped on the highway, which got me to Kentucky. After that, shit got weird, which made for a fantastically entertaining drive.

About an hour into my trip, there was a Burger King that was up in flames. No joke. ON FIRE. #winning. The last hour of the drive provided me with the most amusement (it doesn’t take much to amuse me, either, so if you don’t find this funny, I seriously don’t care). Totes saw a three-legged dog sprinting down the side of the road. How it was running so fast with only one front leg, I have no idea. MAGIC?! I passed a large statue of Jesus, exclaiming “PLEASE DRIVE WITH CARE!” Thanks, JC. I did. (On the drive back, Molly and I passed a small church with a sign reading “LEAF IT TO JESUS.” Hmm… there were no other references to fall foliage, so I’mma say they meant “leave.” Totally not judging. Ha.) My favorite observation was definitely the advertisement for “pulp wood” that was for sale on “Big Bushy Street.” Awkward.

After I picked Molly up, we stopped in the Morehead Walmart because she wanted to buy a Mumford and Sons CD. Yessss, please. We found the only one in stock and went to the “speedy checkout” lane. Now, let me preface that I am not an outwardly snobby person, but I do pass my fair share of judgment in my head. We were second in line, and the woman behind the register claimed to have never left the jewelry counter before. She didn’t understand the cash register. Okay. Totally fine! I’m patient. However, when the two bumbling idiots in front of me are arguing with the inexperienced cashier about having to pay 20 cents more for a bag of plums than advertised for fifteen minutes, I’mma get grouchy. I was so freaking close to giving the stupid woman a dollar to cover the additional charge but Molly gave me her don’t-say-what-you’re-thinking-because-you’ll-make-the-situation-more-unbearable-than-it-already-is look. Bitch, please. Ticked me right off. So much for a speedy checkout. Anyway. We finally checked out and as we were walking back to the car, a woman left her 4 year old (ish) son unattended in a shopping cart and he started rolling into the street; almost got hit by an SUV. That was fun to watch. By that point, I really wanted out of Kentucky. Like, rulllll bad. On the drive back, we came around a bend in the road and both of us thought the large smoke funnel thing (I obviously don’t know what they’re called) was a tornado. I had my glasses on and everything! I’m smartttt. Thankfully, no immediate danger.

not a tornado.

A little closer to home, we passed a sign for bearded dragons. Who breeds bearded dragons? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

strange thing to be selling.

We stopped in a Books-A-Million and I thumbed through an adorable little book with fill-in-the-blank notes for school lunch boxes. Saw this note and chuckled. All my potty mouthed friends have corrupted me.

slightly creeped out that both my thumb and my sisters thumb are in this picture.

Friday night, I tried to teach Molly to knit, but she wasn’t especially excited about it. She gave up after twenty minutes. YEAH I AM SO TOTALLY THE MORE ACCOMPLISHED SISTER. We chatted about getting tattoos the next day. Stephen Crane’s poem “In Heaven” is absolutely adorable, if you’ve never heard it before. If you haven’t, looky looky!

In heaven,
Some little blades of grass
Stood before God.
“What did you do?”
Then all save one of the little blades
Began eagerly to relate
The merits of their lives.
This one stayed a small way behind,
Ashamed.
Presently, God said,
“And what did you do?”
The little blade answered, “Oh my Lord,
Memory is bitter to me,
For, if I did good deeds,
I know not of them.”
Then God, in all His splendor,
Arose from His throne.
“Oh, best little blade of grass!” He said.

I love it. Enough to consider permanently inking my body with the last line, “Oh, best little blade of grass!” You think we got it? Yeah. We did. And it hurt like HELL. :)

My dad picked Molly up and took her home for the rest of the weekend, and I hung out with Tammy and her twinny, Tonya, for the rest of the night. Tonya knits like a boss and gave me some pointers. We played three-person Telephone Pictionary and it was surprisingly just as funny as it is with more people. I’d post pictures, but the phrases were slightly inappropriate (no thanks to ME) and I’m not willing to post such atrocities to my innocent little craft blog… yet. I will include the only clean one. Original phrase: King Kong played the piano at a little person convention. Final phrase: A giant “chewbacca” crushes an escalator at a music store while people watch in horror of the chaos.

Sunday, Helen and I drove Molly back to Morehead. We took an alternate route because of construction and had even more of an adventure than the first time. Passed a Tire Discounters (my favorite place!) with a giant colorful sign reading “Look! It’s a rubber wonderland!” Yeah. They’re cool. On the Ohio River Scenic Byway, there was a shoddy hand-painted plywood sign hanging on the side of the road that said “AFRAID OF FALLING OFF A LADDER?” and nothing else. Yeah, sure, I’m afraid of falling off a ladder. What’s it to ya? A million other stupid things happened, none of which are worthy of telling you about. As much as I hate to say it, Morehead State (and the drive there) is so much prettier than Miami. The landscape is, at least.

insert poorly taken cell phone picture here.

I drove back to Oxford last night and went promptly to bed. Too bad Mother Nature decided to flip a shit and flood the basement of our apartment complex. It’s important to remember that I live in the basement. Aside from the hella creepy maintenance man breaking and entering this morning to ask if we had any damage, everything was fine. The rest of today was absolutely gorgeous. I spent a good three hours sitting Uptown knitting! Look at my progress:

not too shabby...

I lead such an exciting life! No, really, I do. Oh, and I’m two chapters away from finishing a book. So that’s good. I’ll have a tutorial for something super nifty in a day or two. Stay tuned. That’s all for now, home slices. Hope you’ll forgive me for boring you to death. Toodles!

i just made the knit stitch my bitch.

22 Sep

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FRIENDS. BIG NEWS! I’ve learned to knit. I sat down on Sunday, needles and yarn in hand, scanned through knitting how-to videos on youtube, and struggled for several hours before realizing that my interpretation of “casting on” was completely wrong. I gave up trying for a few days untilllll my stubbornness got the better of me. I started messing around with it again this afternoon – easily watched two dozen high quality youtube videos. Yeah right. “Judy” was SO not helpful. Anyway. I took pictures of my progress. Enjoy.

Somethings not right.

Seriously. What the frup is that.

Amazement. Casting.

Attempt #54879 at the second row. Bout time it worked.

CHYEAH SECOND ROW!

After this, I went to Chipotle with muh friend Tammy TamTam. Returned just in time to watch Survivor. (I don’t have a favorite yet, but I’m pulling for Coach this time around. Go figure.)

Concentration. Dedication. Master of the yarn at work.

"Ehhhh?"

What Tammy thinks a meow looks like. (Stormy judges.)

3 hours later. AWW YEAH.

YUP. That’s what I did with the majority of my evening. Earlier in the day, I applied to 3 more job postings at Miami, Subway, and Kroger (1 hour long application – holy flipping cow what a joke). Tomorrow, Chipotle, Patterson’s Cafe, and DP Dough are on my list. Wooooot. Mehhhh. The apartment across the hall from us is currently unoccupied and being totally ripped apart. The construction company gets in at 11am and sticks around until early evening (last week, they had the audacity to saw-zaw shit in the hallway until midnight). Today, they decided that taking a jackhammer to the floor directly outside my door was a good idea. My sister skyped me around this time and she got to witness me bitch them (the construction dudes) out through the door. That amount of noise and sheer destruction makes it impossible to think straight. So I left. Went to Kofenya to read for an hour. Mmm. TICKED ME RIGHT OFF. I’m rullll close to throwing a hissy fit. In public. To actual people. Yeahhh.

Sooner or later I’ll get around to posting the new scarves I mentioned earlier. The lighting in my apartment sucks ballsss; I have yet to capture them in all their glory. Stay tuned.

Thanks for reading and/or judging. Happy crafting!

- Kirks

ten things that make me uncomfortable.

21 Sep

Around 10pm, I decided to go to bed. I usually don’t go to sleep until 2 or 3 in the morning, so this was unusual. I went for it, and completely conked out from 10pm to midnight. Thennn I woke up. And couldn’t fall back asleep. So I ate hummus and huffed and puffed over the new Facebook changes. Here we are now. It’s nearly 4am, and even if I wanted to try to fall asleep, these enormous mother frupping TRAINS are rattling my window and the noise would make it nearly impossible. What to do, what to do. BLOG. Duh.

For anyone that knows me, it’s usually pretty obvious when I’m creeped out by something. I squeal. I cringe. I shudder. Last year, a few people joked around about making a Twitter account to keep track of anything and everything that got a rise out of me. #thingsthatmakeLizKirkhamuncomfortable. Here are the first ten things I could think of that make me uncomfortable:

1. Oceans. Especially oceanic mammals. Dolphins and whales are equally as terrifying as sharks. Large fish, eels, and sea turtles also freak me the hell out. It’s something to do with their size. And the depth of the ocean. And the fact that I watched Surface five or six years ago and two of the characters got stuck in a capsule at the bottom of the ocean and discovered giant alien sea creatures.

2. Camels. They’re frupping weird. Their lips. The way their eyes bug out of their heads. The humps of fat and water. Ehhh. When I was two or three, my dad took me on a camel ride at the zoo. The camel had just been shaved/groomed (?) and it was prickly and I was uncomfortable and it showed. We’ve got a home video of me screaming bloody murder on that thing, and for good reason.

3. Horses. They remind me of dinosaurs. They’re large. They scare me.

4. Chickens and turkeys. Yes, yes, I realize I’ve listed quite a few animals. Just because I was vegan for over four years and vegetarian for over five doesn’t mean I have to like all animals. I just don’t want to eat them.

5. Stars. Well, the universe. Looking up at the night sky, and realizing how enormous everything is, that freaks me out.

6. Giraffes. Next time you see one, just look at how their front legs are connected to their body. Ehhh. Too gangly. And the neck thing. Or their prehensile tongues. Yeah. Not a fan.

7. Baby carrots. They remind me of fingers. I’ll stick with ones that look like the roots that they are.

8. Airplanes. I’m claustrophobic, for one. And two, the physics of it all. Yeah, I get it, but no amount of ability and/or safety of a fixed-wing aircraft is going to cure me of my fear of heights.

9. The words crevice, plump, chimera, and snout. They bother me. I don’t know why, okay? They just do.

10. Laryngoscopy, tracheotomies, and stomas. You’d think after four years of Speech Pathology, I’d be okay with it. NOT EVEN CLOSE. Watching videos of of the vocal folds in vibration was SHEER TORTURE. I’d sit at my desk with my hands around my throat, cringing. Speech is really an incredible process, but something about the glottis and the white mucus lined tissue. Ehhh. Stomas, too. Anything having to do with the throat creeps me out hard core. Guess there’s one of the reasons why it was so easy for me to pursue Student Affairs instead…

manny pants.

20 Sep

manny

What happens when a craftaholic stumbles upon the buttocks of a mannequin in a thrift store for 5 smackers:

She fills the empty space with spray foam for stability... and it expands more than anticipated...

... covers the freshly primed bum with sketches of paisleys that resemble other... things.

And paints him up real good, sticks him in the backseat of a car, and delivers him to a friend that appreciates awkward "art"

I strongly considered making him into a lamp or a footstool. Oh. I also wanted to put a fart machine in there somewhere, but of course this was realized after the spray foam… expanded. Cheapest and by far most original gift I’ve ever made. Tammy Atha, you are one lucky gal.

eat dinner, by that i mean drink coffee.

19 Sep

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BLOGGGG! Long time, no see. It’s been a few days. I don’t like planning ahead when it comes to writing these things. If something comes up that’s worth sharing, I’ll share it. That being said, I don’t know that any of you will find this post interesting. You’ve been warned.

I’ve been sitting Uptown almost every afternoon, reading at my fave picnic table. I’ve seen so many people that I haven’t talked to in the longest time (we’re talking months and in a few cases, years). I’m willing to bet people think I’m a super senior or something. Totally a Townie. So that’s good. This weekend I discovered the epicness that is… Bananagrams (thank you B-RICE)! I must own this game immediately. I will tote around the adorable little nanner everywhere I go. Yep.

About once or twice a week, I have a really bad day. The job search is ongoing and has the tendency to piss me off and put me in a horrible mood. Last night I spent an hour on an application for CVS. HOLY SHIITAKE MUSHROOMS. Never again. For any former Collins Haller, I rage quit the application. By far the most obnoxious and pointless application process I’ve encountered yet. My friend Tammy was over and she got to listen to me gripe about it. Not that she can hold that against me, considering she made me listen to sound poetry for half an hour. Eeeee ooooo eeeeyahhh. I looked at the weather forecast and saw that it’s supposed to rain everyday this week. BOO. No Uptown reading. I made a prediction that today would be my bad day for the week. I don’t usually talk about my feelings with people. HA wow that sounds super cheesy. But I don’t. Truth is, I feel absolutely hopeless. I feel embarrassed. I feel like a let down. I feel sad. I feel lost. (On my bad days.) Days when I don’t see or talk to many people, or when I get criticized by friends and former co-workers for being a “failure” or a “quitter” constitute as bad days. Tammy heard me blab about this last night. She made a very valid point that I never really considered: it’s not unusual for people to take a year off and backpack across Europe (or something like that) with the hope of finding themselves along the way. I’m doing that… in Oxford, Ohio. Yeah, everything can be a little overwhelming, but it’s a blessing in disguise. I’m near friends. I’m comfortable here. And you know what, I’M HAPPY! I’m getting by, relying on my savings. Savings that I’ve been hoarding in a bank account since I started working when I was fourteen. For once, it’s really nice to read a book. Learn to knit. Hot-glue the shit out of old magazines. Get coffee with a friend. Sit outside, just to sit. I’m done defending myself and my situation. I don’t care if you think I’m not trying. I don’t care if you think I’m wasting my talent. Get over yourself. I’m not giving up – WHEN HAVE I EVER GIVEN UP?! Anyway.

Aint we cute?

Yesterday, I visited Collins Hall, my old stomping grounds. Got to see the lovely Rachel Peterson! We wandered each of the corridors and for the first time, I can honestly say I don’t miss living in a residence hall. That’s another thing I don’t think I would have realized had I gone straight to grad school. I’ve only ever lived with my parents or on a college campus. Never in an apartment, completely responsible for everything. Being back in the hall, I dunno, I felt uncomfortable. For the first time, the thought occurred to me that maybe I don’t even want to preference a res life assistantship in grad school. That’s an entirely different story that I’m not up for talking about right now. So yeah, lots on my mind.

In artsy fartsy news, I’m learning to knit! Or trying to learn to knit. I’ve got the “casting on” part down, but this flipping knit stitch is going to do me in. I’ve spent at least two hours trying to get the second row going, but I’m doing something wrong. I’m tempted to quit trying, but it is my new life goal to yarn bomb a town. What’s yarn bombing? This is yarn bombing. And I flipping love it. I’ve also sold two more scarves on Etsy! EEEEK! I finally broke even and am making a profit! Could not be more excited! I painted several new scarves today and will give y’all a Stenciled update tomorrow. GET E’SSITED (that was for you, Mama Kirks). I’ll leave y’all on that note. Enjoy your nap, as I’m sure this post done gone made ya sleepy :-)

ttyl’z and happy crafting,

Kirks.

hug it out.

13 Sep

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Sometimes you just need a little inspiration to get you moving, right? Look at me, for instance. I’m a 2011 college graduate that’s put in over 200 applications to full and part time job openings and I’m still unemployed. I moved back to my college town. I’m beginning the process of researching grad school programs from scratch and I’m struggling to figure out who I am and what defines me now, because I’ve changed a lot since May. On top of all that, I’m still applying regularly to jobs. It’s upsetting to hear some of my friends tell me that I’m not trying hard enough. I’ve thought long and hard about what I could possibly be doing wrong… I’m not sure what more I can do. I hit the lowest of all lows last week and I was in desperate need of some inspiration. I’m a very visual person and I love any excuse to be artsy fartsy, so I decided to write my favorite quotes (and boy are there a lot of them) on drawing paper and stick them to the wall above my couch. This is the “quote project” I’ve been referring to… Anyway. I’ve drawn out about 60 quotes so far, which might sound like a lot, but it’s nowhere near enough. I want to fill the entire wall with MOTIVATION! Check out the progress I’ve made so far (the lighting is a little off in some of the pics… I live underground. Bear with me!):

The beginning...

Those are just a few. Thoughts? Feel free to share  your favorite quotes! Like I said, I want to cover the entire wall, so I need as many as I can get :)

short arms.

12 Sep

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So. Today I got stuck inside my car. I decided to drive Uptown, get a coffee, sit outside and read for a few hours. I found a parking space, turned off the car. Standard stuff. Went to pull the door handle and…………… nothing. Locked, then unlocked the door ten times. Nothing. Attempted to do the same with the passenger side door. NOTHING. What. The. Frup. During my minute long struggle, I realized I was melting (it was H-O-T in muh car). Stroke of genius. Roll the windows down and open the door from the outside! YES! Ehhhh, no. I have arms like a t-rex and the doors were jammed so tightly that no amount of pulling at that angle was going to open them. So. I settled on the only viable option left: climb out the window. Let’s make me look even more ridiculous. I crawled out, laughing hysterically at myself the entire time. Looked around after I was free and that’s when I saw a guy sitting at a picnic table no more than 30 feet away CRACKING UP. I said something to the effect of, “Oh, hey. That just happened.” After further inspection and a mighty yank on the door handle, I managed to open the door from the outside. The guy on the bench gave me a nod, as if to say “good job, you finally figured out how you’re supposed to get in and out of cars.” Laughing truly is the best medicine. Especially when you’re laughing at yourself.

I mentioned that I have short arms. It’s because I’m a short person. Check out these ancient pictures. My sister and I are three years apart. She outgrew me a long time ago, but of course we all knew that was coming, considering we were nearly the same size when I was five and she was two.

Tiny 5 year old. Enormous 2 year old.

Hella pissed to be sharing my Barbie Corvette with such an enormous baby. CLEARLY.

tiiiiiiiiiire discounters.

9 Sep

ZOMG, Friends. The events of today… well, technically yesterday… made me ask myself how and why I always end up in the strangest situations. The right front tire (like you need to know that detail) of my car had been leaking air for the last few days. About 7 pounds to be precise. I took it to Tire Discounters this afternoon to have it checked out because the dudes in the Walmart body shop failed epically. I went to the Hamilton location – so many sights to behold. Without going into too much detail, here’s a list of just some of the things I saw:

- No one under 65 goes to the Tire Discounters in Hamiltucky. I sat in a waiting room of sorts next to a 70-something year old farmer, another very old couple and probably the most petite and frail older gentleman I’ve ever seen. Loved it.

- The Hamiltucky Tire Discounters has a collection of 6 artificial plants. Trees. Shrubbery. Free standing and potted. The works.

- The magazine rack only had Better Homes and Gardens. At first I thought maybe they were leftovers from one of the guy’s wives or something, but the address was clearly marked… Tire Discounters.

- I was tempted by a cup o’ jo, brewed by a coffee maker that appeared not to have been cleaned in the last ten years. They did have sugar in the raw, though. Huh.

- I bore witness to two mullets. One on a man. The other on a woman with quite possibly the largest to-go cup of Pepsi from UDF I’ve ever seen.

- A younger man came in, chatted with the dude behind the desk for a few minutes, then booked it to the bathroom (which was conveniently located directly in front  of me). He was in there forever. Ew gross sick nasty vomit.

- After approximately 30 minutes, my posse of old folks and I were joined by a legitimate Australian Crocodile Dundee. HA wow I wish I were making all of this up. It seriously happened.

- A large SUV pulled into the parking lot with an enormous hot pink battery powered Tonka truck looking thing (something like this) strapped to the roof.

Now. For my favorite part of the entire visit. To top it all off, there was a hella-creepy marathon of The Twilight Zone playing from a tiny television in the corner behind the bathroom door. AHHHHHHHHH SO PERFECT, RIGHT?! Maybe you had to be there. I seriously had the funnest time people watching. Eventually, the fun came to an end when I was told that there was a leak in some tiny little valve that cost me $600 to fix. No. Just kidding, it was free. You can probably tell by my inability to name the valve that needed replaced that I’m not cut out for mechanics. So could the friendly employee that helped me out, because he tried to make a funny by telling me I had to fork over 6 Benjamins.

One more thing about this dude. He followed me out to my car and told me that he was sorry he had to adjust the seat (because I’m super short and have to push the seat as far forward as it will go). I was liiiike, dude. No big deal. He wanted to know how far away the steering wheel was from my chest. I hesitated and guessed about a foot. Then he informed me that he was a trained EMT and wanted to make sure I was driving at a safe distance from the air bag. TOO BAD I CAN’T DRIVE ANY OTHER WAY. Unless I get peddle extensions. Y’all know that ain’t gonna happen.

a thousand kaleidoscopic possibilities.

6 Sep

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I am so all over the place, friends. Even more so than usual. Maybe it’s because all I’ve ingested today has been an iced grande soy latte from Starbucks. I dunno. Last night I had one of those horrible all-my-teeth-are-falling-out-one-at-a-time-in-public-places dreams. Okay, nightmares. Seriously, those are the worst! Don’t they mean “change is ahead” or some other bull crap like that? Whateverrr. I have a lot on my mind.

I think I’m finally settling into my apartment. I’m done with all the random traveling, for a while at least. Now it’s time to buckle down and continue applying for jobs that won’t consider me and more importantly, time to start figuring out my situation for this time next year. Grad school for Student Affairs has always been “the plan” but sometimes I’m not sure if even that’s what I want to do anymore. I’ve spent the last three years so involved at Miami University, dedicating ever fiber of my being to building stronger student organizations and developing  relationships and friendships with people. Now that it’s all over and I’ve been out for four months, I have no idea who I am anymore. My identity as a leader, a friend, a confidant, a student, a mentee and a mentor. Everything about who I was had been shaped by my experiences within different communities while at Miami. I don’t have any of those ties anymore, and even though you’d think I’d still have the same drive and motivation now as I did then, I don’t. I’m tired of getting my hopes up and I’m tired of going through the motions. THIS ISN’T ME. Where the frup did I go?! Ugh.

Three things have been lifting me up, lately. When I moved back to Oxford, I imagined that seeing my friends would help me get over my frustrations. It’s helped to an extent, but it’s hard for me to relate to many of them anymore. I’m thankful for the handful of people that talk to me on a regular basis. People that make me laugh. Friends that I didn’t get a chance to talk to much last year because I was “too busy” but are the kind of people that can pick up exactly where we left off like it was yesterday. In that sense, I’m so glad that I have this year to make up for lost time. A second chance. That’s the first thing. The second thing is my random Grooveshark playlists. Brandon Heath. The Civil Wars. Adele. Switchfoot. Chris Tomlin. Sanctus Real. Hillsong United. Coldplay. And of course Lil Wayne, Jay Z and Kanye for when I want to pretend to be cool. The third thing is all the support I’ve received from complete strangers. Maybe you’re one of them? I have heard from so many friends and acquaintances that they’ve seen or heard from a friend of a friend something about my blog. Namely, the Tale of the Three Brothers chapter that I painted on a wall. One of my favorite Miami mentors (Wo-Jo!) sent me a message the other night about my posts being pinned on Pinterest, a virtual pinboard of sorts that allows people to share and “pin” hundreds of thousands of things that inspire them. I’m not really involved with the site at all, but I discovered this page yesterday and was able to see SO MANY comments from people about my HP wall. I was shocked. I’m still shocked. And oh so happy that I talked my mom into letting me do that, because there’s no telling how many people have been inspired to do something like it on their own. I’ve also gotten a few messages from people who’ve purchased something from my Etsy shop. Each notification I get literally leaves me beaming. I want to find a way to do this for the rest of my life… even if that means living in a shed with my traveling band of kitteh cats and living off the land (by that I mean resorting back to my vegan diet and grazing like cattle). But anyway.

I’ve been collecting quotes for the longest time. I’ve got journals filled with little pick-me-ups that I’ve gathered up because they’ve inspired me or made me laugh. I’m starting a new project (yes, on top of all the other projects I’ve got going on, I told you I’m all over the place!). I have a general idea of what I want to do with all of them, but I don’t really know what it looks like yet. Check back in a few weeks and I’m sure I’ll have something.

Damn, that was a long one. Like I said, I’ve got a lot on my mind. Even if no one reads this, jotting all this down has helped me to clear my mind a little. Yeah.

Thanks for reading (if you got this far), and happy craftinggg :)

the two triangle twins.

4 Sep

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I love me some Telephone Pictionary.  What\’s that, you ask? Check it, yo.

“Jess Hare spit spinach on Andrew Klatzke.”

(Okay…?)

“I asked for sugar not flour! What am I suppose to put in my bowl”

(This makes no sense.)

“Run Forest, Run!”

(Nice.)

“A lady dropped her waffle off the park bench so a man ran away sweating.”

(Sweating?)

“A man is in the park. In this park there is a lady standing by a bench. (Also I think there is a waffle on the ground)”

(Love how they’re standing.)

“A girl and a red head having a picnic in the park.”

(Which one’s the red head?)

“The two triangle twins sat indian-style on an island eating a delicious picnic meal.”

(I drew the last one. Spot on, yeah?)